Random Funny Naruto Skits!
by Eternity Guarded
Summary: This is just a collection of funny random Naruto skits. Hey, look, a title! Rated M for language just to be safe, I don't know where that fits into the ratings. No lemons, slight yaoi. There may be some Sakura bashing.
1. Skit One: Naruto Gone Zombeh!

Hey, this is EG! Yeah, I'm not dead. I just didn't have the inspiration to write for... Two months? No, four. Yeah... So, this is just a collection of random skits my friends and I put together. There will be a certain amount of yaoi, but not to the point where you can't stand it I think we've written two kiss scenes. They're short and comical. This first skit, I did actually write myself, but I do give some credit to my friends for the others. Anyway, I'm just going to post this in the original way I wrote it, because I'm too lazy to go back and edit it. I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters. Now, prepare to laugh....

*blackness*

*sounds of fighting*

Naruto:Oochimaru, dieeeee!!! *stabs Orochimaru*

Oro:Nooooooo!!!!! *dies*

Naruto:Haha! I finally got Sasuke back!!!

Sasuke:You idot, I was fixing to kill him anyway.

Naruto:Oh. Well, I did it first!!!! Ha!! Ow... * clutches at wound in chest*

Sasuke:Tch. You got hurt didn't you? Dobe.

Naruto:Well, at least I managed to keep one promise. You'd better go back to the village. Sakura's waiting for you.

Sasuke:Why would I care about her?

Naruto:...because she loves you.

Sasuke:Fine. Just die already.

Naruto:*makes many dying sound effects and dies after about a minute*

Sasuke:Idiot. * skips off to find tomatoes*

*three weeks later*

Naruto:Sasssukeeeee.... Sasssukeeee...*comes out of pile of leaves in zombie form**walks off toward Sasuke's house*

*at Sasuke's house*

Naruto:*bangs on door*Sasssukeeee... Sasssukeeee... Wake up....

Sasuke:*wakes up* Huh? Who is it...?

Naruto:It's me, Sasuke. Naruto. I have come back from the dead.

Sasuke:Why the hell would you do that?

Naruto:Because some stupid fan girls decided this would be funny, I mean because I never became hokage. I have to fullfill the prophecy.

Sasuke:What prophecy?

Naruto:Three, kin of your kin, shall- oh, wait, wrong series.

Sasuke:Seriously Naruto. What prophecy?

Naruto:Um... A golden haired ninja, known for his heritage, but scorned for his great sacrifce that e wasn't even aware of-

Sasuke:Ok, now you're just making stuff up.

Naruto:Ok, there is no prophecy. I need to find this book.

Sasuke:Why?

Naruto:To attone for my sins.

Sasuke:What sins? And how does finding a book attone for them?

Naruto:I killed Orochimaru. And I never read a book.

Sasuke:...

Naruto:What?

Sasuke:idiot. Which book?

Naruto:The Raven, by Edgar Allen Poe.

Sasuke:Naruto, that's a poem.

Naruto:*points at sky* Tell that to Mr. Ultamite Ninja in the sky then.

Sasuke:...point taken. I think I have a copy. Let me go look.

*in the Uchiha Library*

Naruto:Holy shit... Books everywhere... It's scary!

Sasuke:Tch. If you had read them, we wouldn't be doing this.

Naruto:Reading's just not my style.

Sasuke:You wouldn't know style if it hit you in the face.

Naruto:Would too.

Sasuke:Whatever. *looks up from bookshelf*damn. I let Hyuuga borrow it.

Naruto:Which one?

Sasuke:Neji.

Naruto:...shit.

Neji:*walks in*Here's your book back Uchiha.*throws Sasuke a book**turns to Naruto*Oh, I got this letter. It's adressed to you.*hands Naruto letter*

Naruto:*opens it* It's from Him.

Sasuke:Lemme see that.

Dear Naruto,

Good job on finding that book! I never could seem to be able to find a copy... Anyway, your sins have been attoned for! Good work!

P.S. You're not really dead.

P.P.S. It was Itachi's idea.

With best wishes,

Chuck Norris

Sasuke:...I'm going to kill that bastard.

Naruto:Isn't that what started his in the first place?

Sasuke:Yeah, but that was just over a Klondike bar. Now it's personal.

TBC...

Yeah, that's it for skit one. Now, I will say this. My friends and I DO plan to act this out, and, until further notice, we don't want anyone using this for something on youtube besides us. When we post it, I will let you know. Now, if you want to, review. Just remember, if you're flaming just because you don't like it, or because you want do, don't bother. I won't respond. Thanks, and have a good day~! --EG


	2. Skit Two: Naruto Meets Twilight!

The second skit! This is made entirely by my friend, Random Dramatic Comedy (I think that's her pen name now...) and I take no credit except for spelling and two lines! (I edited!)

Bella is wandering through the woods sobbing loudly. She comes to a clearing, where Naruto is sitting. He notices her.

Naruto: Hey! What's your name?

Bella: Edward left me!!!

Naruto: My name is Naruto. (pause) Nice shirt.

Bella: Wah! Edward used to compliment my clothes!!!

Naruto: What's your name?

Bella: I miss Edward!!!

Naruto: Is it Julie?

Bella: (sobbing)

Naruto: Bethany? (Bella: *sob*) Susie? (Bella: *sob, again*) Megan? (Bella: *more sobbness*) Crystal? (Bella: *sob*) Sarah? (Bella: (Okay, if you haven't gotten it by now, she sobs loudly after every name. I'm tired of writing it.)) Abbie? Reagan? Danielle? (continues with more names.)

Sasuke: (appears) Naruto, what the hell are you doing?

Bella looks at Sasuke in awe and smiles.

Naruto: Trying to guess this girl's name. Elizabeth?

Random dog comes on scene. (Jacob.)

Jacob: Bella Swan! What's up?

Naruto: Amy?

Bella: (snaps) What do you want, dog-boy?

Jacob: (hurt) Bella, what's gotten in to you?

Naruto: Mary-Anne?

Bella: (Looks back at Sasuke longingly)

Jacob: Bella! How could you? We were meant to be together!

Bella: Says you. (remembers) Edward!!!

Naruto: Maria?

Bella: Go away, dog. I don't need you anymore.

Jacob: (running away) Waah!!!!

Naruto: Jessica?

Sasuke: *Sigh* Won't you please just tell the kid your name so he'll shut up!

Bella: (Stares at Sasuke at a loss for words.)

Sasuke: Ugh!

Alice runs (fast motion may be used) from the forest to Bella urgently.

Alice: Bella Swan!!!

Naruto: Mandy?

Sasuke: Dude, the girl's name is Bella. (turns to Bella) It is Bella, right?

Bella: (Smiles so broadly it's probably not even possible) Ah-huh.

Naruto: Nah, that's not it. Arianna?

Sasuke: (To Alice) So, who are you.

Alice: Alice. I am a vampire. Weee!!!! (runs in circles around the group, in fast motion)

Naruto: (While Alice runs) Victoria?

Alice: (Stops running) Bella! We have to stop Edward! He's going to Italy to kill himself!!!

Bella: Idiot. (thinking) I'm sure this new mysterious emo-looking boy would never do that. He's way hotter than Edward. And not nearly as old, I'm sure. Edward's an old dude! (Out loud, to Sasuke) So, what's your name?

Sasuke: Sasuke. (Thinking) Oh, Lord, not another fangirl...)

Bella: (repeats with a sigh) Sasuke.

Alice: Bella! We have to hurry!

Naruto: Madison?

Edward appears, holding a nerf gun to his head.

Edward: Bella!!! Am I already dead?

Bella: No. What are you doing?

Edward: Killing myself. You're dead, so now I have to be, too, so that I can fufill my life-long dream of having a Romeo-Juliet relationship.

Bella: Why?

Edward: It's my dream!!! Don't ruin it!!!

Naruto: Marilyn?

Bella: Idiot.

Edward: (With a demonic look on his face) Now you must choose. Me (pauses dramatically) or him.

Screen goes darkish.

Edward and Sasuke: Choose us!!! Choose us!!!

Bella: (looking back and forth at them frantically)

Naruto: Sage!

Bella: Um. . . look, a flying bird kid!!!

Everyone: (looks up) (Cue video of bird flying in the sky)

Sasuke: That's just a bird.

Edward: Bella?

Bella: (no where to be found)

Alice: Well, I guess that's that.

Naruto: Ah, who cares about the girl.

Sasuke: You do. You've been trying to guess her name for the entire show!

Naruto: So? (Looks at Sasuke) You know I only have eyes for you.

Before Sasuke can say anything, Naruto takes his hand and skips off, dragging Sasuke with him.

Alice: Well, I guess it's just me and you.

Edward: You were really going to try and save me?

Alice: Duh.

Edward: Alice.

Alice: Edward.

They take each other's hands and skip off the same way Sasuke and Naruto do.

Bella: (comes into view) Edward!!!

The end.

Twilight fans, please do not hurt me. I came up with the idea for this one. (Though, I haven't read Twilight, so RDC had to write it.) Again, I don't own Twilight or Naruto. I also don't take flames. ...I feel kind of like a broken record after typing that twice in one afternoon...


	3. Naruto and Sasuke Discover Fanfiction!

More skits. Sorry for the shortness, we had issues writing this one.

Sasuke: *is sitting at desk* *starts checking email* Hey, Naruto, come look at this.

Naruto: *jumps off of bed* *stands next to Sasuke and looks at computer screen* What is it?

Sasuke: Hyuuga sent me an email with a link to this website called fanfiction.

Naruto: cool. What's it got on it?

Sasuke: *Looks at the website* I don't know. Looks like a bunch of fan girls got together and made pairings of all of us.

Naruto: Why the hell would they do that?

Sasuke: Why do those girls do anything?

Naruto: ...Cause they think you're hot.

Sasuke: News flash, I am hot. Look, I'm the most popular person on here.

Naruto: That doesn't mean anything.

Sasuke: ...Are you getting stupider?

Naruto: My doctor said I wasn't.

Sasuke: When was the last time you went to the doctor?

Naruto: Last month

Sasuke: Which doctor?

Naruto: Hinata Hyuuga.

Sasuke: That explains it... *continues flipping through fanfics* I wonder what they mean by yaoi...

Naruto: Maybe there's a lot of pain in it so they scream out 'Yow-ee'?

Sasuke: Somehow, I doubt that. *clicks on something* Hey, this one's about us.

Naruto: Oh, let me read! *reads over Sasuke's shoulder*

A few minutes of torture later. . .

Sasuke: ...my eyes burn.

Naruto: ...I've been scarred for life.

Sasuke: It gets worse. Look, links to pictures.

Naruto: You're kidding me.

Sasuke: Nope.*clicks on link to pictures* I'm almost afraid to look.

Naruto and Sasuke: *Look at screen*

Sasuke: Eew! That's disgusting! Why go into detail?!

Naruto: 0.o Sasuke, I think Neji is trying to tell us something.

Sasuke: Like....?

Naruto: Like he thinks we're destined to be together, or something.

Sasuke: Like hell we are. Destiny, my ass. What I want to know is who the hell wrote this?!

Naruto: Looks like... Kakashi6789?! HE wrote this?!

Sasuke: He's now up next to Itachi on my hit list.

Naruto: Where am I on that list?

Sasuke: You're not on it. Yet.

Naruto: Oh, really? *gets an idea from the fanfic*

Sasuke: Yes...*eyes Naruto suspiciously*

Naruto: *randomly pounces on Sasuke and kisses him*

Sasuke: ?!?!?!?!(WTF?!)

Naruto: *stops for air* *grins at Sasuke* *runs like hell*

Sasuke: *is still trying to recover* Screw Itachi. Naruto, consider yourself a dead man. A dead GAY man, but dead none-the-less.

The end!

Told ya, it's really short! Me no own Fanfiction!


	4. Skit Four: You're MINE!

Man, I'm evil! Trust me, you're going to laugh at this one. I had Random Dramatic Comedy laughing so hard she could barely breathe. And she doesn't even watch Naruto!

*in the early morning at a training ground*

Naruto:hey, Sasuke-teme?

Sasuke:What?

Naruto:You owe me.

Sasuke:Owe you what?

Naruto:A kiss.

Sasuke:Like hell I do.

Naruto:No, seriously, you do. Remember, the fanfiction?

Sasuke:That was of your own free will. Besides, I'm NOT gay.

Naruto:Suuure you're not.

Sasuke:I'm not.

Naruto:Fine then. Until you kiss me, I'm not letting go of your leg.*grabs on to Sasuke's leg*

Sasuke:What the hell, Naruto?! You're gonna get me killed!

Naruto:No, I won't.

Lee:*pops out of no where*I challenge you!!

Sasuke:What was that again?

Naruto:I'm still not letting go.

Sasuke:...kuso.

*one difficult fight later*

Lee:*is KOed on the ground*

Sasuke:Naruto, let go!!!

Naruto:Not until you kiss me.

Sasuke:Why do I have to kiss you?!

Naruto:To prove you belong to me, and not that ugly weirdo, Hinata.

Sasuke:I don't belong to any one you idiot! Now, let go!!!

Naruto:No.

Fangirls come out of no where:SASUKE-KUUUUUN!!!!!!! *they attack*

Sasuke:*runs like hell*Naruto, look what you've gotten me into!!!

Naruto:*ignores him**grabs random things and throws them at said fangirls*HE'S MINE! BACK OFF!!

Sasuke:Ugh...

*after losing the fangirls*

Sasuke:Ok, that's it Naruto. Get off.

Naruto:Not until you kiss me.

Sasuke:This isn't funny!! *tries to pry him off* What are you, a cat?!!

Naruto:A fox, but that's beside the point.

Sasuke:*sigh*fine... I'll kiss you. But on three conditions.

Naruto:Ok, what are they?

Sasuke:One, it's in a private area where no one else can find us. Two, you NEVER pull a stunt like this EVER again, and three, you can't tell anyone.

Naruto:Deal.

*5 minutes later in a very far away forest where no one will ever find them*

Sasuke:I can't believe I'm doing this.

Naruto:It's either this, or you can live with me clinging to your leg for the rest of your life.

Sasuke:*sigh*Naruto, how am I supposed to kiss you when you're all the way down there?

Naruto:Kneel,

Sasuke:That wasn't part of our agreement.

Naruto:But I can't let go, or you'll run away.

Sasuke:No I won't

Naruto:Don't lie to me.

Sasuke:Fine.*kneels down**kisses him very very quickly* *camera flashes*

Kakashi:*comes out from behind tree**runs*

Naruto:Now, if you ever refuse to do what I say again, that picture is going upon the internet.

Sasuke:...You are a dead man, Kakashi.

The end!

I feel sorry for poor Sasuke. Oh well! Anyway, tell me what ya think about this one! I know I'm posting a lot at one time, but it's only because they're short, and I already have them written.


	5. Skit Five: Hinata's Date!

Next, random idea... 5!

Naruto:*walks past Hinata on street*Oh, hey Hinata!*continues walking*

Hinata:H-hi, N-naruto-k-kun...

Naruto:*walks past Sasuke**joins Sasuke in walking*Hey, Sasuke-teme, up for a spar?

Sasuke:Not now dobe. I have more important things to do than to spar with a loser like you. *they continue talking and get into an argument, but it fades into background noise*

Hinata:*Thinking*If I were to go out with Sasuke-kun, I would get Naruto-kun's attention... But how to I get Sasuke-kun to agree with me...?

Sasuke:*walking away from a dazed Naruto, after having punched him**walks past Hinata*

Hinata:W-wait, Sasuke-k-kun...

Sasuke:*turns to face her*What?

Hinata:I-i was w-wondering if you would go out with m-me sometime...

Sasuke:*Thinking*(Why would she ask me out? She likes Naruto... Ah, I get it. She wants attention from him. Well, she would keep the fangirls away for a while...)Sure. I'll pick you up at eight.

Hinata:*nods**smiles brightly and skips off to go get ready*

*at a random fancy restaurant*

Sasuke:*is holding Hinata's hand, leading her to table*

Random fangirls:*glare at Hinata*

Hinata:*sits across from Sasuke at a table for two*

Waiter that happens to look like Naruto:*gives them menus*Hi, my name is Naruto, and I will be serving you tonigh- Sasuke-teme?! Hinata-chan?!

Sasuke:Dobe? I didn't know you worked here.

Naruto:I usually don't, but I lent Tsunade-sama some money...

Sasuke:Baka. You knew she was going to gamble.

Naruto:Shut up. Say, Hinata, what possessed you to go out with a jerk like him?

Hinata:U-um, w-well, h-he seems l-like a v-very nice p-person, once y-you get t-to know h-him...

Naruto:Yeah right. *Thinking* I need to get her away from Sasuke-teme. He's my property, bitch!

Sasuke:Idiot, I'm right here.

Naruto:And?

Sasuke:I was right. No manners what-so-ever.

Naruto:Shut up and tell me what you want to drink.

Sasuke:*smirk*Red wine.

Hinata:U-um, white wine, please.

Naruto:*writes it down**walks off to get drinks*

Hinata:N-naruto-kun seemed p-pretty upset, don't you think, S-sasuke-kun?

Sasuke:Yeah. And could you drop the '-kun'? It's annoying.

Hinata:Uh, o-okay, Sasuke.

Sasuke:*Thinking* this is going to be a looooong night...

*a few minutes later*

Naruto:*comes back with food and drinks**trips, and drinks land on Hinata, ruining her dress*

Naruto:Oh, sorry! I guess I'm just getting clumsy. Here, I'll help you get that stain out. *leads Hinata to kitchen*Okay bitch, stay away from Sasuke. He's MINE, got it?

Hinata:*nods, and is too shocked to speak*

Naruto:Good. Now go back like a good little girl, and never speak of this again.

Hinata:*goes back*

*one awkward dinner later*

Hinata:Bye Sasuke. Thank you for the dinner, it was delicious.

Sasuke:No problem.

Hinata:*goes home*

Sasuke:*turns to Naruto*Ok, what did you do to her?

Naruto:Eh? What are you talking about?

Sasuke:She was so shocked about something when she came back, she didn't stutter.

Naruto:*looks innocent*I know nothing.

Sasuke:...dobe.*walks off*

Naruto:*thinking*Sasuke is now MINE! All MINE BIOTCHES!!! BACK OFF!!!! Mwa ha ha ha haaaa!!!!!

Sakura:*was walking past, and Naruto accidently laughs out loud*I don't even want to know.

Naruto:*evil grin*

The end!

Actually, I love SasuHina and NaruHina. Weird. Anyway, review please!


	6. Skit Six: The Beginning

AN: What's this? An update? Well, not exactly. Actually, my friend wrote this for me three years ago, and she decided she wanted me to add it to the series. So, enjoy.

* * *

Sakura_ is laying in a lounge chair with one of those reflective tanning things sunbathing. Sasuke walks by. Sakura takes off her sunglasses and sits up._

Sakura: Sasuke-kun! Where are you going?

Sasuke: If you must know, I'm going to train. Just because we're on a short break doesn't mean we can relax. We're going to be back fighting soon.

Sakura: Exactly. Plenty of time fighting. C'mon, just a little relaxing won't kill you. I mean, today's perfect. The sun is bright, the weather clear, a steady breeze is blowing from the sea . . . It's nice and peaceful. I haven't felt this relaxed in, well, forever!

Sasuke: Now that I think about it, you're kind of right. Today does have something relaxing about it. It's the first day in a long time I haven't had a major headache. I wonder why . . . what's missing?

Sakura: I dunno. Pull up a chair. Here's a tanning thingy.

Sasuke: My skin _has_ been looking awfully pasty . . .

_They tan in silence for a second._

Sakura: Okay, you're right. Something is definitely missing. But what?

_They look at each other thinking. And then . . ._

Sasuke & Sakura: Naruto!

_Scene changes. Picture of the outside of Orochimaru's lair is shown with ominous music playing. Then inside, we see Naruto tied up and unconscious-in a rainbow colored room. Kabuto comes in and walks up to Naruto.  
_  
Kabuto: Wakey, wakey!

Naruto: Zzzz.

_Kabuto slaps Naruto. He's still out. Kabuto thinks._

Kabuto: Ah!

_He walks out the door for a second and reappears instantly with a bowl._

Kabuto: (puts bowl under Naruto's nose) Naruto . . . Ramen!

Naruto: Aah! Aah! Where? Gimme, gimme!

_He tries to get the ramen but Kabuto yanks it away. Naruto struggles against his binds to get to it.  
_  
Naruto: Why can't I move?

Kabuto: Cuz you're tied up, idiot.

Naruto: Oh. That makes sense. Then in that case, can you give me the ramen?

Kabuto: How are you supposed to eat it? You're hands are behind your back.

Naruto: You only need a mouth to eat, don't you?

Kabuto: But then you'll smear the makeup on your cheeks.

Naruto: Gasp! How dare you accuse me, Naruto Uzimaki, of using cosmetics to beautify my already perfect complexion! These are mah wiskaz! I've got a fox demon inside of me, you fool!

Kabuto: Touchy, touchy. I-

Orochimaru's voice: Kabuto! Where is my robe?

Kabuto: (sighs) In your wardrobe.

Orochimaru's voice: Oh . . . right! Well said, Kabuto! Is my guest awake?

Kabuto: Yes.

Orochimaru's voice: Oh, goody. I shall come in, then!

_Door slowly creeks open. Camera quickly cuts to Naruto's face._

Naruto: Wah!

_Camera cuts back to the door, where Orochimaru is now plainly standing. He looks like he does, only apparently he's found an interest with cosmetics. He's wearing mascara and lipgloss and blush with a piece of gauze on his nose. Naruto faints._

Orochimaru: Oh. It appears he's fainted at the sight of my beauty.

Kabuto: (mumbles) Yeah, that's it . . . (out loud) Don't worry, Orochimaru-sama, I've got it all under , want some ramen?

Naruto: Ramen? Where? Where? I want it-Oh, it's you again, traitor.

Kabuto: Aw, you're not happy to see me again after your nap?

Naruto: No I'm not, you ramen teasing, Harry Potter wannabe.

Kabuto: Harry Potter wannabe?

Naruto: Yeah, I mean, look at your glasses! What ninja wears glasses? Especially dorky ones like those!

Kabuto: (starts throwing a tantrum) They're not dorky! When I was little, all of the other kids used to make fun of my glasses. It hurt me inside. Why do you think I became evil? Every evil person has a troubled past. I'm still mocked with mine! My life sucks!

Naruto: Uh, I grew up an outcast of my village with almost no one who loved me or accepted me. Sasuke practically witnessed his entire clan be murdered by his brother who played their deaths over and over again in his head using his Sharingan. Haku's father killed his/her mother and tried to kill him/her too. And you're just bent up cuz people made fun of your glasses?

Kabuto: I was a sensitive child!

Naruto: Have you ever heard of contacts?

Orochimaru: Boys! That's enough! As hot as this argument is, we gotta get down to business! Naruto, I'm going to explain exactly why you're here like all the great supervillains do in movies, so pay attention, and please don't try to escape, kk?

Naruto: Okay.

Orochimaru: Good. So here I go. I've got a thing for power. Some may call me crazy. But do you know what I say to them? Nothing! Cuz I kill with mah power! And do you know what you have?

Naruto: (glares at Kabuto) Not ramen . . .

Orochimaru: That was a rhetorical question, you handsome devil! I was going to answer it myself! Gah, you ruined the effect.

Naruto: Sorry. _Psych!_ I'm not sorry at all! Haha! In your face!

Orochimaru: Oh, you're smooth! (that's not sarcasm) But I was going to say power. Power! You have the power of the nine-tailed fox demon locked away inside of you, and I want it!

Naruto: Uh, you might have a little trouble getting it out. See, I'm pretty sure getting it in there was a one-way deal . . .

Orochimaru: Nonsense! I would never wish to damage that godly body of yours! I'm going to steal your demonic inhabitant through spirit!

Naruto: Is it going to hurt?

Orochimaru: Uh, yeah! But don't worry! We're in an isolated location, so no one can hear you scream! Please feel free to. I actually would like it very much if you did.

Naruto: You're insane! (struggles against ropes)

Orochimaru: Aw, looks like you weren't very smart. Most captured heroes set up their escape while their villainous captor is going on and on in his little rant. But don't worry, you're not the only unintelligent one. You're friends are, too. They have no idea where they are. I left not a clue.

Kabuto: Uh, didn't you leave a letter?

_Cuts to Sasuke and Sakura in Naruto's room._

Sasuke: Man, Naruto's room is a dump.

Sakura: Sasuke-kun! Come look at this! It's a letter!

Sasuke: Nah-ah. There's more than a letter on that page.

Sakura: (snaps) Stop being a smartass and read the damned thing!

Sasuke: Okay, okay. (looks at letter)

Sakura: Out loud, genius!

Sasuke: Why? So the birdies can hear?

Sakura: Oh, just shut up! What did I ever see in you?

Sasuke: My sexy brooding attitude and mysterious demeanor.

Sakura: Ah, you're right! (smiles gaily) (snaps out of it) Now give me the damn letter!

Sasuke: Fine! Sheesh! (thrusts it at her)

Sakura: (clears throat) "Dear Sexy Sasuke and the fat little pink haired bitch whose name escapes me,"

Sasuke: Yeah! I'm sexy!

Sakura: I hate this person already! I am not fat!

Sasuke: They only speak the truth.

Sakura: (glares)

Sasuke: You don't scare me.

Sakura: (grabs Sasuke's hand and gets close to his face) (in a seductive-yet-kiddish-sounding voice) Sasuke-kun . . .

Sasuke: Aah! Get off of me, you monster! Aah!

Sakura: Hmph! Anyway, back to the letter. "Dear names I won't repeat, I have taken your beloved comrade, though Sasuke, my heart will always belong to you. Don't worry. You'll never find him! Mwahaha!" Oh, no!

Sasuke: What? Whose the letter by? Did they sign their name?

Sakura: Y-yes, but it's in another language!

Sasuke: What language?

Sakura: Japanese!

Sasuke: (facepalm) Sakura, what language do we speak?

Sakura: Japa-Oh, yeah! Thanks, Sasuke, you're so smart and brilliant and-

Sasuke: Just read the damn name!

Sakura: Okay, okay, no need to yell at me. I never yell at you.

Sasuke: You just did not two minutes ago!

Sakura: "Do unto others what you would have done to yourself," Sasuke.

Sasuke: That sounds twisted and creepy.

Sakura: (smacks him with the letter) You perv! Now I'm not going to tell you the name.

Sasuke: No! I have to know! You can't do this to me, Sakura! Tell me!

Sakura: What's the magic word?

Sasuke: Please?

Sakura: Actually, the magic word was 'kangaroo,' but since I love you so much I'll accept your 'please.'

Sasuke: . . . Okay. So, what is it?

Sakura: Orochimaru. Huh. That's a weird name. So foreign sounding. Like, Asian or something.

Sasuke: Says the girl from Japan.

Sakura: Actually, we live in an alternate dimension, so Japan doesn't exist-

Sasuke: It matters! Let's just go! You're more annoying than Naruto! (runs out of there)

Sakura: (screams) Nooooo!

_Scene cuts to Sasuke and Sakura in Orochimaru's pimping lair. And by pimping, I mean it looks like a unicorn threw up in it. Tee-hee!_

Sasuke: It looks like a unicorn threw up in here. Really, this is owned by the man who killed the Third Hokage and whose power I unconsciously thirst for?

Sakura: What was that last bit?

Sasuke: Nothing . . .

Sakura: Okay-Ooh, look, here's a door! I bet it leads somewhere!

Sasuke: One would hope, with it being a door and all.

Sakura opens the door, only for us to see that the room Naruto was kept in is in ruins. Kabuto is in the corner in the fetal position. Orochimaru is on the ground, clutching his head. Meanwhile, Naruto is still sitting upright in his chair, still tied up, looking bored.

Sakura: Naruto! What did you do?

Naruto: I dunno. But whatever it was, it must've been awesome, right? You love me now, huh?

Sakura: No.

Naruto: Dang.

Orochimaru: Wait . . . One more try . . . Agh! Every time I try to enter his mind, this vast silence envelops me! It's like there's nothing there.

Sasuke: And you're genuinely surprised at that?

Orochimaru: Well, I didn't expect the void to be so big, and then when it wasn't, the only thoughts were scattered and overwhelmed everything! "Ramen! Ramen! Next Hokage is me! Ramen! Ramen!" It was all I could hear! I'd rather take the silence that's there usually! Agh, my head! I need an aspirin.

Sasuke: Good luck with that. I've found that Naruto induced headaches to be incurable.

Orochimaru: Great.

Sakura: So, would you mind if we, say, take Naruto back?

Orochimaru: Not at all, pink haired fat girl whose name I don't recall!

Sakura: Grrr . . .

Orochimaru: Ooh, but Sasuke, you're welcome to stay! I'm sorry the place is such a mess, I usually make sure to tidy up before I have special company, but you know how Naruto is.

Sasuke: Yeah . . . Bye!

_The three leave with Naruto._

Back in Konoha . . .

Sasuke: Naruto! Why the hell are you staring at me like that?

Naruto: Huh? Oh, sorry. (in his mind) Sasuke . . .

_To be continued . . ._

* * *

__AN: Except it probably won't be... Oh well.


End file.
